Ok, so chilling in Genetics lab (Lord forgive me) and I noticed this girl sitting down with her butt crack exposed to the world. Now I am a butt lover I like nice, firm, soft, jiggly bouncy butts on women, big enough, curvacious enough but what really is UP with girls exposing their behinds for all and sundry to see esp. the partitioning? I mean is it supposed to be a dude-magnet thing? Surely I am not attracted to such...but maybe that's just me.

I know some guys may find that attractive but I certainly do not. Its tacky, very unbecoming of a lady imo. Not just buttock cracks but also lingerie. Especially thongs, ok don't get me wrong thongs do look good on women BUT ONLY WHEN THEY'RE MODELING IT OR YOU AND YOUR WIFEY ARE TOGETHER. Anywhere other than that is just plain grotesque and nasty to me. Again, there are tons of guys out there that like seeing women's underwear, I on the other hand have an allergic reaction that often occurs when I see a woman sit down with her lingerie showing, it doesn't matter if its Disney, Winnie the Pooh or just a plain VS (Victoria Secrets) it is not good to look at to me. Lingerie looks good only on the right woman, at the right place, at the right time, and you being the right person and the right status. I know I'm being super-technical but dangit I can't help it yo. I just have an allergic reaction to dem thangs esp. when going through a shopping centre/mall/outlet. I dread going to VS with females...I remember one time I was lost or rather looking for I think it was my aunt, mom or someone sha..next thing I turn around and WHOOAAAA nelleeey! It felt like a wave of negative energy woooshed me in the face as soon as I spotted the first set of the things. Arrrggh...I reacted immediately trying to find the nearest walk way and exit quickly, up and outta there...

=============UNTO YOU OH GOD OF MY FATHERS=============

Lord I just want to GIVE YOU PRAISE and ADULATION for the opportunity to speak my mind uninhibited on this blog. Lord I do not seek to hurt or harm anyone, they are just my feelings, beliefs, convictions and persuasions ALL of which You have let me express, given by Yourself or allowed me to have due to my human limitation as a man but Lord I know I am Your Son and that CAN NEVER CHANGE EVEN IF I TRIED TO. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME LORD GOD, IN JESUS' MIGHTY NAME AMEN. I PRAY FATHER THAT YOU WILL TOUCH ONYI BABY RIGHT NOW AND THAT FATHER GOD YOUR HEALING POWER WILL REACH OUT AND RENEW AND GIVE LIFE IN FACT LORD GIVE BRAND NEW WHITE BLOOD CELLS, RED BLOOD CELLS AND PLASMA, LORD GIVE ONYEKA A BRAND NEW IMMUNE SYSTEM 100 TIMES STRONGER THAN WHAT IT WAS BEFORE NOW. LORD THANK YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE THIS AND YOU HAVE DONE IT MORE THAN WELL AS ALWAYS AND IT IS FOREVER IN JESUS' MIGHTY, MATCHLESS AND ADORABLE NAME AMEN AND AMEN.

Tongue-ti-e-d

All it can take is
Five minutes, 7 days, two wks
And iii seconds.
To show you how much I care
Or how much I cannot enough
As much as you can because
I honestly don't know how to tell you
I can't.

I feel speechless, bereft of words to say
Proper pronouns and similar nouns
Have all drowned in my saliva
Somewhere stuck in the corner of my heart
Approximately left to the epicenter
Of his mind's core.

I wanted more than I could possibly bargain for
But what amount of purchasing power is enough
If money can't buy love
And sugar can't always sweeten
Dedication is my call
For I love him.

I don't know how to love her like I should
She had me confused
Now she has me again desiring
Her mind, body and soul
I should stop this while I can
For my own good and my own sake
But can I? Here lies the question
And who knows, the answer, maybe.



Soulbrotha......© ® [2004].

So I have endured so much pain, sorrow, emotional roller coasting, its not even funny. This year has had a lot of ups and downs for me. Sometimes, I wonder how many UPS there've been. Granted there's been A WHOLE LOT to thank God for Most immensely. For one thing, life. The life of my cousin who is facing a transplant two days away from now. Sometimes I feel scared, no one cares everyone's facing their own life's struggles, minding their own businesses even so called "friends" of mine.

One in particular had the nerve to blame me/accuse me for not checking on her when she didn't even let me know how she got to a hospital. Found it fit to tell everyone else but me, yet I'm supposed to know by some wave of power or magic? I don't know, why do ppl expect stuff from you they themselves don't give? Meanwhile, I've called her like twice already, she's yet to return any of my calls, later I'll be blamed for being a bad "friend." Mind you this is someone who hurt me in the most painful way but I'll let God judge between me and her.

I'm in so much pain right now, emotional pain. I never wanted to be in this dump. I had feared things would pan out like this. Sometimes I blame myself for allowing myself to be in something that only turned out terrible, yet I'm expected somehow not to point fingers at anyone for anything, mishap whatever.

Is it wrong to be selfish? I think so, I'm at a point in my life right now I just don't want to be here in this pain anymore. I don't want to hurt any more, I don't want to cry these tears any more, I don't want to feel a darn thing at all for anyone I don't care who aside from my family. Even my friends can get it too. Pain is all I've known this whole entire year, relationship pains, growing pains, family pains, shooot, love pains. All sorts and kinds of pain but through it all it seems God has been speaking through everything, "My son, be confident, be strong, remember I am with you, holding your hand." Lord I hurt, I am confused, (or rather I feel confused) I just want all this to pass, I want everything to go, I don't want to be like this anymore, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired stuck in an emotional rut that seems to swallow my every being. Why? Why did I ever make the decision I made that night? Looking back I should have let it fizzle out, kill it when I had the chance, but Noooooooooooo me and my big head (and heart). Lord when will this all end, when?

Yo, yo, yo...
The brotha's back at it,
Of course I returned with a yearn to spit mavericks
Holla front no carriage, bury these chicks like cadavers
Mr bookman's right here to open brand new chapters
I didn't just crawl up outta that grave
thought they had me buried in, instead I grew up quick
faster than the proverbial rose-in-the-cement
but I see-them, these bleeding heathen
trying to do me in make me grieve for them
Well hate to tell y'all be the one to break it down in the fall
Look you ugly dogs, I see through the smog
Plan was to keep this young brother underdog
unfortunately God already got the best-of-y'all
All o'y'all matta' fact the entire rest o' y'all
can get it too just the same way groupies do
Treat y'all like doo-doo please don't get it twisted
I kill more bull-crap than you, never had a chance to take me down with you
all of a sudden you gettin' mad 'cos I aint checkin' on you
well you can die boo, choke on a pistol, empty that .45 calibre
completely into you, your skeleton, entire life existence can disappear too
Forget these chickenheads man y'all just smell like doo-doo
Who knew..that SB would be hated on by all o' you
Same bone head asking me questions is the same one that's back stabbing you
You're an idiot boo...

Blood of the Son, Spirit of the King....no doubt


Haha...

These dumbos really think I got time on my mind for 'em peep the repertoire son...

Haha...

Chicks say I'm a woman-hater...whoa? Ma light bulb on
I was never a playa so I'll never lie even here on
Out-side your eyes you can't see my surprise
I realised most of y'all were goats in-disguise
maybe its 'cos you think telling me I'm fly
actually is gon' make me see y'all in a different light
but soon as you ugly crusts walk in the club, the lights go out
Forget friendship idiot you crushed me when I was soft
Now you frontin' I'm cold but you never told..
the rest of your kin-dred how you sold-out..
Forget infatuation you're a punk even in the next-life
and now that I think about it you're still a butt-wipe
God forbid that you'd be my wife
Cos I'd hate to be the one to reply..I can't see you in my future tonight
in fact I desire you to see yourself for who you really are
an idiot, windbag scum of the earth with no spine at all...
All of y'all ain't even worth the metaphors I throw out
Bottom line y'all are beneath my feet, trash bags only good for garbage-in
garbage out..
It feels as though its '96 again and y'all versus me
Pigeons please, God gives victory and y'all can't defeat me
dweebs...

Spinlist:



"My first love"

Dope cut. JUST BLAZE! Man that dude is SO talented. I love his guitar riffs and strings he uses on some of his R&B cuts *recall: Fabolous's "Can't let you go"*

===========random thoughts/expressions==========

Well not much right now going on over here. School starts next week, looking forward to it. I know I'm not going to be on that much which will give me a good escape to avoid all the unnecessary hullaballoo and finally focus on the most important things in my life, God, family, school and of course work.

He said this first and then He replied.

Break up? A painful part of the life process we all go through one way or another. However I'm the kind of person that believes strongly in "prevention before cure." I by no means am no expert in relationships and their workings but there are certain things I do know and believe:

1. Whatever you do to someone will come back to either help you or haunt you.

2. Don't do to someone what you won't like someone to do to you

3. In all things be honest and sincere because no matter how painful it the truth may seem to the second, third or fourth party concerned at the end of the day that honesty will ALWAYS be remembered.

4. Love is all-encompassing. If you say you love someone show it and do it more than telling it. Saying you love someone without showing it or showing it on occasion makes you look like a hypocrite.

As much as people may be all familiar with the above mentioned do they still find a way to mess the other person up? Of course...we as humans are JUST THAT BRILLIANT. I absolutely loathe dishonesty esp. in a relationship of the friendship or romantic nature its just irking. I mean if I'm plain, open and honest with or to you why can't you do the same for me? I mean common courtesy if nothing else demands that. Maybe I'm just different from the rest of men out there but betchabygollywow there's nothing as pleasing as romantic as attractive as friends being honest with each other, boyf/gf, man and wife. The truth sets free and LORD was ABSOLUTELY MORE THAN ON POINT when He said that.

I've never understood why as human beings we quickly forget that every action we take or participate in has an equal or sometimes bigger reaction than we ever imagined. God was not playing when He said, be not deceived whatsoever a man soweth that shall He also reap. I'm a very firm believer in second chances because God is The God of the Fifth Chance. However, I've found as we grow from young adulthood into primary adulthood we become set in our ways, except by the Holy Spirit's intervention we change; our ways of thinking and behaviors. You just can't do something to someone brush it off like nothing happened and expect that something of the same manner won't happen to you either by another person you don't even know or somewhere else down the road, shoot..even if it takes 20-30 years for it to happen best believe the world turns and so does life.

People of the world call it payback/revenge but God said Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord I will repay. This does not mean if, maybe or probably, God said He WILL repay. Is this scary to think about when you know God is ALL-LOVING, ALL-CARING, ALL-COMFORT GIVING? To me it makes me give Him even more REVERENCE and ADORATION because I know that if someone meant something for evil to me God ensures it turns out for my greater good, hence I do not fear any man because they cannot do anything to thwart or take my life. God is in COMPLETE CONTROL. I believe that with all of my heart. He didn't say He might think about repaying, He will repay. Its not even funny to think about..and I'm sure that was why He stated thus that we as believers should NEVER hold grudges against one another or against ppl who have wronged us. God has His way of returning favors whether good ones or bad ones. Its the Law, He put it there Himself.

=====random observation/thought of/for the day=====

Was out with my Supervisor and some co-workers I haven't met before and while we were seated awaiting lunch we talked about snakes...(nice way to get your juices going for the next plate? Hunh? Yeaaahhh baby *austin power voice insert*). Anyway, one of the co-workers spoke of the popular saying that goes,"the only good snake is a dead snake." As a Naija man consine I don't think I couldn't agree more, though now that I've grown and am growing spiritually, educationally and mentally I've come to learn and realise that snakes do serve their purpose in the balance of biological life on this planet, as rats and mice would be a serious problem if there were no snakes at all. Problem lies in which snake is a good snake and which is the bad one?

Plus, on first instinct when seeing a snake is to reach for the nearest stick or matchet (my weapon of preference) and proceed to butcher, (I prefer transverse chops across from head to tail).

When I was young in primary school (for those of you from Naija) there used to be a fable/story about snakes who could piece themselves back together after being cut in half, so I decided NEVER to take the chance and chop to bits and pieces then burn in kerosine.

Aaaah sweetness* Ain't nothin' like killing a snake but back to the matter at hand, there are good snakes as well as bad ones, I won't hesitate for one nanosecond to kill anything that was worm-like moving with a hiss and a rattle or something that had a head that kept growing and wanted to rise to move forward or one that was huge long and thick (python) though I've read they are harmless until provoked so I dunno..but yeah, we shouldn't kill every snake just because they're snakes, I guess we need to read more and extensively on poisonous and non-poisonous snakes or *hold up lemme rephrase that* harmful and harmless snakes because Anaconda's don't bite *chilly wind* sheesh...*shiver*

PRAISE THE LOOORRDDD JESSSUSSS!!

God is TRULY AWESOME. I'm so happy and overjoyed that He has helped us find a location for the bone marrow drive to be held in H-town for Labor day/JUMP OFF weekend. Oh yeah by the way before I forget letting you folks know (whoever will stumble upon this by mistake...lol)

The flyer kept going through "changes"...lol..




and changes...



more changes...



and even more changes....

but yeah...I'm so happy and excited, and overjoyed and flamber-gasted (zheesh) if that's a word. Got a call from a very close friend of mine today. After listening to her msg I kind of felt distant all of a sudden from her. Weird? I know...I and her have been close for the longest of times yet during this period in my life or should I say the last time I had a long convo with her it just felt as though we are both veering off in diff directions. I enjoy talking to her. Always have.....haha..I remember even having a crush on her one time sef...*theheckwasIthinkinganyway???* bah whatever don't ask me. So we talked that day about basically where we both were at in the phases that God has been bringing us into. It just struck me from that night on that we were like perpendicular lines almost, one going on way, the other going the other or maybe a better description of something else which I can't think of right now at the moment.

I can't remember the bulk of our discussion but it was certainly philosophical-based. I don't know about you but to me philosophy and God haven't really clicked. The Bible is refreshingly CLEAR on issues, while it seems to me as though in philosophy which I think maybe true for the most part, man is still guessing. Like someone stuck in the middle of a NEPA power outage (for una Naijans) trying to grope and probe in the darkness.

Man has always been a hotbed and a hot mess of confusion. God has ALWAYS been the one cleaning things up. I just wonder about her though. Oh well...I trust that God is in control of her life and things.

**relationship ramble**

The art of getting over someone is not acquired its God given for the most part. Very decision-driven too but also time-allowing. In the past I've wanted to force myself to heal faster. *I guess that's why Wolverine of X-men fame has always been a character I could readily associate myself with, loner, not too trusting, self-healing, truthful, very honest and transparent. As far as honesty is concerned like a rapper once said, "..I don't demand from others what I don't demand from myself, honestly, loyalty and I tell you what else." Sometimes, I wonder why its so hard for ppl to come out plain with their feelings and emotions. They'd rather you took the time to figure them out or figure out what they were thinking or worried about and several days later drop a "bomb" on you as if to say *oh wow, dude you knew exactly what I was thinking you didn't know???* Like I keep telling ppl esp. females, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND, I AM NOT GOD. Why this concept is hard for them to grasp, I don't know when I'll understand.

About calling::::>>>

Maybe there should be rules to this thing or something...I guess then folks will be able to easily navigate through the psychological mess that comes with it. Its very simple really, why the heck would you expect someone to call and check up on you when you don't do the same for them? I mean it isn't polynomial calculus (if there's such a math process). Esp. when there's no beef or quarrel, I often wonder why chicks say the darndest things sometimes, talkin' bout "oh you haven't called me in like so and so year/time/month/week/hour/even minute or second. Mind you this is someone who completely ignores your presence both on msn (if they're on your messenger) or elsewhere. I just can't figure that part of women out. It goes both ways though, I'll be fair across the board.

Sometimes though you just have to wonder.

Yo, Kanye blow the hook
You a genius bwoaayy!

This song is so FRESH. I guess its 'cos of the Teddy P. sample but 'Ye really did it this time even though it kinda sounds like a lazy approach, just lifting the sample and doing nothing other than lacing his sped up midwest/southern beat but it works and ROCKS DUDE!! (Okay..bizzy calm down its not that serious).

Wasssssssssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaapppp (Dude, that went out in like what year again? Okay..)

Well I finally got to changing the template THANK GOD for that. I hated the previous one. So I'm eager to get to posting away..*shakes pom-poms*...(don't even think about it shmuck).

Spinning:


"Doin' just fine"

I honestly love this album completely. Being a B2M fan you must understand how "aggy" I get when some of the boy bands are mentioned as if these guys and of course N.E (who's back with a BANG!) haven't put in work.

That's beside the point though. How do I explain the song above? Let's just say emotional wounds take some time to heal. *Bangs head* (why in the world are you explaining yo' self on this thang?) Don't mind him/me. Like I was saying, these things sometimes take time to recover from. I love the song because it perfectly explains where I want to be, how soon I hope to get to that mindframe. Sometimes I feel as though the other sex just has some major grade d beef with me. I don't know what I've done to them, lately. Bitterness however is not something I will let prevent me from obtaining the things God has set aside for me, nor will I let it prevent me from seeing the beautiful things God has placed in my life.

1. Its not worth it

2. Its too stressful

3. Most of all Jesus said to forgive 70 x 7, which imo, is ALWAYS.

Like a friend of mine said, "Jesus meant don't let anything bother you the least bit." It is seemingly tough to practice esp. when you feel you've been wronged by someone you care-d about and thought care-d about you. However, I digress. Its a great song. Its my song and I know that very soon, in fact sooner than I think I'll be singing it or rather living it.